There’s a lot of hype around being a mother
For you, having a kid just didn’t live up to it. Don’t get me wrong, you love your kid(s). But no one told you it would be this hard. In fact, they told you it would be amazing and fulfilling and that life would feel complete. And now here you are on the other side – struggling to keep up with day to day life. This is not fulfilling.
Honestly, it just makes you feel empty, bored, tired, lonely, or guilty.
When you really look at it, being a mom is really hard and involves constantly doing the same thing day in and day out. It’s taking care of someone else 24 hours a day and never having time for yourself. Maybe you weren’t great with self-care before kids, but now it’s almost impossible.
The friendships you had before kids just don’t seem the same. And since this “mom thing” doesn’t fulfill every aspect of your being, connecting with the other moms feels insurmountable.
Staying home was what you thought you wanted, but at the same time, you miss work. You feel like leaving your job has taken every part that was you, away. You’re watching your coworkers advance and you are feeling envious. Now all you are is a mom, and you don’t even feel like you’re any good at it.
You thought motherhood would be what everyone said it would be – and it isn’t. Plus, you’ve lost yourself, and you don’t know how to get back to feeling like you again.
There is never a right decision and the constant gray area leaves you questioning everything and overthinking for days. Even the decision of whether to stay at home feels like there is no right answer.
Sometimes you can’t respond the way you should. And you keep having these flashes of you as a child and you don’t know what that’s about. You’d love to just hide from it all but you can’t because you are the only one who can care for your child(ren) the way you want or expect to..
You’re tired. You feel a bone-deep exhaustion that would take months to recover from. But you don’t have months – you don’t even have days to recover. This is just your life, and you wish things were different. But they aren’t.
You look at the other moms and know you aren’t like them. This “mom thing” feels harder for you. Once again you are left wondering if there is something wrong with you.
Hope for moms
You’d like to feel confident in the decisions you make as a mother. It would be nice to be able to recognize the places where you’re killing it. Where your experience does help you to show your love to your child the way it seems like all the other moms do.
You’d like to figure out how to find your mom tribe so that you have some connections to share this struggle and shame with. You want to find yourself again – even amid the chaos, messiness, and yelling. But you aren’t sure how.
If this feels like you, I want you to know that there is hope.
As your therapist, I can help. Therapy with me is a judgment-free zone where you can say out loud everything you are feeling. The warm and the hard feelings. Our society frowns on speaking the truth about motherhood. But the reality is a lot of moms spend a lot of time screaming “fuck this shit” in their heads – and saying this out loud is looked down on. I create a safe space for you to talk about this part of you, and I recognize that this doesn’t make you a bad mom.
It just means motherhood was way harder than anyone ever said it would be. And it’s okay to feel that way. I’ll be there to validate what you’re going through. Motherhood can really suck but together we will figure out how to make it easier.
In therapy, we'll look at all the parts of you. The part that ...
Struggles to appreciate the everyday of parenting except those rare sweet moments.
Loves being home, not working, and at the same time feels shame about being out of the workforce.
Misses working intensely and feels so guilty about this.
Is a little girl who feels so much sadness about the difference between how she was mothered and how you mother.
We’ll give every part of you a voice. Then we’ll figure out how to meet all of your needs. We’ll work to make mothering more congruent with your authentic self, your hopes, and your dreams.
Through this process, we will bring the joy, light and confidence back into your life.
Reclaim some space for you.